Twenty four years ago you were brought into this world. Loved beyond measure and treasured ever so deeply. What ultimate beauty surrounded you, you are a blessing sweet angel. (In memory of Steven Tucker 12/17/1992 – 2/4/2003)
Anything is possible- Ask Jill
Meaning
Ordinary items, everyday trinkets, dollar store finds. Many of us can find a use for such things. Perhaps the larger than life eyes on a tiny stuffed animal can bring a bright smile to the face of a small child. Toy cars and trucks have entertained children for hours and offered respite for many a parent in a pinch. However, the magic comes when meaning is added to the items.
How do you help a little boy understand the abstract, deal with the heartache of loss, and comprehend the finality of death? How does a mother walk her son through the realities of life while balancing her desire to allow him to hold on to the innocence of childhood? A mother’s yearning to protect and yet empower her young, to permit the flow of grief so that healing can follow, is something not easily accomplished.
Fortunately we do not have to tackle these challenges alone. It may be that looking around there appears to be no one to turn to; but when looking up there is always sanctuary and strength from which to draw.
The ordinary items shown above were symbols of grace, hope, and simple sibling love. When his older brother died, my youngest started a tradition of giving his brother a “hug” by sharing what little he had. Words for the sentiment were out of reach but in his hand he held a favorite truck. One by one with each visit to Steven’s grave site the trinkets mounted, the grief lessened, fear became acceptance but most importantly, his faith grew.
Know and Trust Yourself
Have you ever second guessed yourself?Thought maybe you misread a situation or missed a que that was obvious to everyone else but you? Ok, so we all have these doubts now and then. It may even be a healthy trait to be able to balance your own perceptions with input from the world around you. Besides, we can’t escape the bias our own experiences leave us with over time. “Checking-in” with others for input, feedback, a second opinion, to get a fuller perspective, etc are ways I try to gain such balance. However, I make an assumption when seeking the wisdom of others. The assumption being that the individual has obtained a level of my trust and respect.
Have you ever had someone you trusted make you doubt your own sense of right and wrong? Your sense of what is real and what is not? Perhaps you always trusted what your eyes saw and your ears heard until one day a loved one urged you to realize that maybe – just maybe – you have been wrong all along. Wrong about everything, not just incorrect about a thing or two, but absolutely wrong about how the world sees you and how you see the world. Wrong about your history, the meaning of your life experiences, even the strength of your beliefs.
A dilemma surfaces, one that reaches beyond how to just disregard the assertions; but how to negotiate the relationship without losing yourself. It is moments like that when it is vital to search deep within yourself and find the truth. How do you know what is true? Lean on the foundations upon which your life is built. For me this is my faith, my mom, my son, and my closest friends.
We may never know why someone would try to make us doubt ourselves. What could be gained when one person strips the self-confidence from another? So much can be lost. Why would someone betray the trust placed in them by turning another’s world upside down in such a way? I don’t know. I wish I did.
What I do know is that there are degrees of just about everything. That life is hard and at the same time it is full of opportunity. There is opportunity in pain as much as there is in joy, perhaps even more. We just have to remain open to life’s hidden blessings.
Glancing Back
Days when life is just too much, what do you do?
Threats of snow, balancing work loads, missing hugs, looming separation are all being held upright by a broken foot. This is a moment when I have a choice. To drop it all and walk away or to hold on tight and find a more stable foundation to lean against. Daily I choose to find support.
Today this meant looking to points in my life where I thought there was no hope- such as when my oldest son laid in intensive care well before his 8th birthday. A single mom trying to raise a child with disabilities while balancing work, etc. times were hard. Steven’s disabilities were degenerative and so I understood that times would get worse as he slowly passed away.
One may ask how would thinking of such things from so long ago be helpful to me now? Well- I have reached a point of acceptance with his dying over 10 years ago which lets me think of him with appreciation for the time we had rather than grieving all that was lost. Now I am able to think of his voice or picture him waving his arms in the wheel chair and just smile as though I were in the moment again.
Shanti Ghar 